How many of you have seen a jini? And I don’t mean Genie in a bottle. You know there is a difference between a genie and a jini? I think a genie is white; either British or from the US. You see the way you set up your new laptop or phone and you are asked to choose your language? You can be asked to choose the kind of jini you want to install.

I recently was in Mombasa and I had my TukTuk guy to take me to and from my place of sleep to the conference hotel. You know I love being modest, I never wanted to say, “From my hotel at Sarova Whitesands Beach Resort & Spa, no, I am humble. That’s what the good book teaches me.”

You know I am used to Nairobi jinis. Nairobi jinis are scary and we see them every day. But I do not think they are as scary as Mombasa’s. Nairobi jinis are those Range Rovers you see taking a bath at Olenguruone Road just opposite Ibury Lounge.

They are the same Range Rovers you see packed at Lumumba Drive and Mwiki Ndani. I do not know, maybe it is a father coming to see their daughter. Those are the only jinis I know. One fails to understand how one can afford millions for a Range Rover and not KES 300 to bath their car with good soap or even pay some good rent for their daughter. Scary right?

So I get onto this TukTuk. You might be wondering why a man of my fine stature and posture, straight outta Maasailand would ride in a TukTuk. You see, I wanted to see how a TukTuk ride feels and there is a fresh breeze you get in a TukTuk. Riding on as S-Class…. Well, there is and A/C and comfort but you know the doc told me not to zoea the A/Cs. She said it is not good for the chest.

And again, with a TukTuk you get to meet the locals and get to hear the story of locals. If you go to Papua New Guinea you would want to meet the locals and get to know their way of life. You need to learn how to be empathetic. Why am I defending myself so much? If you don’t get it here, you will get it in heaven.

Anyway, so my TukTuk guy starts with stories of jinis. These are topics I love. I love how these coastal people swear – “Aki ya Mungu, Walahi, mama yangu mzee!” Now where did your old mother come into our conversation?

So our guy tells me of how his brother fell in love with a Muslim girl who apparently was a genie in a bottle, sorry…. jini in a buibui from ze ocean. Then he swore again, “Aki ya Mungu, Walahi, sikudanganyi, naweza kukupeleka sasa hivi na nisikulipishe!” And I am like, you guy you have only told me the intro and you want to take me? Where?

So he continued to say how the jini in the small girl was able to strangle his brother from morning to midday when his brother’s neighbors called him. The jini just wanted to take him to the ocean claiming that he was her love. They called the Muslim sheikhs who came to read sijui what – you guys tell me in the comments section. My fwend I hear the jini gave them hybrids slaps of Kidero, Martha Karua & Will Smith which made them run for their lives.

He told me that only the junior sheikh remained and in a swift small voice, the same voice God used to talk to Elijah with in the Bible, he asked what it wanted. And now this is where it gets interesting….

So the jini seemed to have had a pompous upbringing where it was chauffeured to Brookhurst International School in an S-Class, had a personal chef and three nannies; one who would help carry its bag to and from school, one who ensured that that Netflix Kids, Disney Plus and Cocomelon were all playing at the same time and another who sang lullabies to it.

The jini first asked for parfum. I know some of you do not know what a parfum is. I know some of you get those miniature roll on bottles and go to Eastleigh or to dungeons and dark corridors of Moi Avenue to get small drops of counterfeit Dolshe & Ngambana. So our jini, being so classy, never asked for Eau De Toilette nor Eau De Parfum but a Parfum.

Now some Christians are like, “Fire! Fire! It is not my jini in Jesus name! What’s wrong with this writer?”

Next it asked for those smelly things they burn in the house, in Kiswahili they call it Ubani – What is it called in English? Next it wanted mtandio, ooh yeah, I know that one – it is called a shawl. I do not know what it was wrapping.

I was told that it also asked for the latest hijab from Uarabuni and what shocked me was that it even asked for chupi. Wooi, sorry I need to PG my articles. I hear it asked for some classy, expensive underpants. Finally, it asked for dates, I think maybe to console itself because the guy refused to go on a date with him in the ocean.

So the total bill was KES 30,000 exclusive of VAT. My TukTuk guy told me that he had to call his brothers so that they could Harambee and buy the things. It was evening when they brought the items the jini asked for.

He told me that the jini was pleased and released his brother off the wall. This guy told me that the guy was pinned to the wall from morning 6am to 10pm in the evening. It was then that the Sheikh recommended that they wed so that the jini may be satisfied and not be punished when it returns to the ocean.

They agreed to go to the jini’s parents. Now I do not know if it is the girl’s parents or the jini’s parents. And they left. As soon as they arrived, I hear the man fled like the strongest tides of Indian Ocean never to be seen again. And the guy vowed never to look at an innocent Muslim woman twice.

Now, I do not know if the jini in the girl went back to the ocean or now because it has some Tom Ford Parfum and a week’s supply of dates it was calm, I don’t know.

But there are very many funny stories in Mombasa, there is actually a place called stage ya paka because apparently too many weird cats assembled there for prayer every morning and evening. I can’t wait to go back to my TukTuk guy to hear more stories of Utange, Majaoni and Bamburi.MAJINI ZA MOMBASA

How many of you have seen a jini? And I don’t mean Genie in a bottle. You know there is a difference between a genie and a jini? I think a genie is a white jini something British or US. You see the way you are setting up your laptop or phone and you are asked to choose your language?

Wait… Where did all that come from? Anywhere. I recently was in Mombasa and I had my TukTuk guy to take me to and fro my place of sleep to the conference hotel. You know I love being modest, I never wanted to say, “From my hotel at Sarova Whitesands Beach Resort & Spa, no, I am humble. That’s what the good book teaches me.”

You know I am used to Nairobi jinis. Nairobi jinis are scary and we see them every day. But I do not think they are as scary as Mombasa’s. Nairobi jinis are those Range Rovers you see taking a bath at Olenguruone Road just opposite Ibury Lounge.

They are the same Range Rovers you see packed at Lumumba Drive and Mwiki Ndani. I do not know, maybe it is a father coming to see their daughter. Those are the only jinis I know. Because you fail to understand how one can afford millions for a Range Rover and not KES 300 to bath their car with good soap or even some good rent for their daughter. Scary right?

So I get onto this TukTuk. You might be wondering why a man of my fine stature, straight outta Maasailand would ride in a TukTuk. You see, I wanted to see how a TukTuk ride feels and there is a fresh breeze you get in a TukTuk. Riding on as S-Class…. Well, there is A/C and comfort but you know the doc told me not to zoea the A/Cs. She said it is not good.

And again with a TukTuk you get to meet the locals and get to hear the story of locals. You see if you go to Papua New Guinea you would want to meet the locals and get to know their way of life. You need to learn how to be empathetic… Why am I defending myself so much…

Anyway, so my TukTuk guy starts with stories of jinis. These are topics I love. I love how these coastal people swear – “Aki ya Mungu, Walahi, Mama yangu mzee!” Now where did your old mother come in in our conversation?

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