Damn! It is long since I wrote something that makes me feel like, “Finally, I am feeling stupid and I love it!” You see I am used to write powerful spiritual articles on The Remnant but I still want to be a small boy, I want to play with mud and flaunt my new found crush to my fellow boys.
Right barabara kabisa, I have a question. I don’t know if it is for you, or for the ranting feminist who was just destroyed by some boda boda guy. The boda guy told her she should get a female boda if she thinks men are nothing. Dear aspiring feminist, please get a car first. It seems like feminism and poverty hasiwesi, hasipendani na hasihesimiani (Insert Mr. Mbalamwezi’s accent)
So where was I? You remember I just said I want to feel stupid at last. So, should ndumes carry those wet white nappies ladies carry? Suppose you guys are having lunch mahali tu decent, and you badly spill soup on yourself and are wondering, ‘Damn! I need something to wipe this off fast!’
Then your buddy reaches his pocket, ama those stupid mama mboga bags they hang on your shoulders. Kwanza let me address this, mwanaume mzima unafaya nini na bag ya change ya mama mboga? You are the same guys that have made Facebook and Google introduce stupid pronouns of she/him.
As in someone went to buy nyanyas in a market, saw a mama mboga well strapped in the bag that contains some scrawny notes to by a ka-nuthu (and by ka-nuthu I mean meat) for her children, and they said, ‘Eureka! Behold, the new fashion, the money bag?’ Where is humanity going to? Some of you are busy worrying about climate change. For me I cannot stand bearded men rocking mama mboga straps! Ngoma! (Okay, in Kikuyu)
So where was I again? So you your friend reaches his mama mboga bag and pulls you a wet wipe. What will you do? Explain 50 marks! Clock begins now! Will you take it or will you double check who is in front of you?
If you said that you will take it stop reading this article, unsubscribe from my blog, go to the Jordan and wash 7 times and read your Bible and pray every day for 30 days. When you are done go for exorcism because wewe na she/him hamna difference.
The men that carry wet wipes are those that say, ‘Like who does that? Ngaai?’ they are the same men who support Chelsea. We can pardon Chelsea fans for carrying wipes only until the end of this season. These are the same men that keep saying sorry! As a man never says sorry. The manly vocabulary for sorry is iza or iza manze!
These Kilimani boys of ‘sorry man’ and you guy my guy have ruined this generation. This is why the standards for scarred Maasai warriors like us has been raised to unprecedented heights. It because of these wet wipes men that you hear statements like, “What kind of a man are you, you never told me sorry and you don’t know how to treat a woman!” And then they compare us with someone who wears a mama mboga bag and carries wet napkins.
If I were the president, I would pass a law, “Any man spotted…” Let me rephrase that again, “Any man suspected from gut feeling, or from duru za kuaminika is found with a wet wipe shall face life imprisonment, death or both!” Sijamaliza.
I will pass another one, “Any man suspected to be an accomplice of one who carries wet wipes shall get half-life imprisonment, half-death or both.” Bado sijamaliza wacha kiherehere!
I will pass this as my epitome, “Mama mboga attire is only reserved for mama mboga and nobody, absolutely nobody (Man, I can’t stop pronouncing like Mr. Mbalamwezi) should use the same bag or in its image and likeness and say that it is some trending fashion. Such a man should face castration, amputated shoulders (trust me we will find a way how to do it) or both!”
Nimemaliza sasa. Subscribe to receive my articles in your email. Ama unaweza wacha, si lazima.
